Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Alice Practice

In comparison to you I really am utter crock.
Everytime I see you it reiterates the feeling that what you said was a joke, a tease. How could it be true? I'd love confirmation, but not to go through this wave of confusion again.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ignorance strikes again

This eve I found myself on the verge of a facebook fight. I admit it was pretty thrilling, even if it never eventuated. The topic was vegetarian and vegan lifestyles and the apparent 'types' of people who live them. The initial source of the discussion if you can call it that was a status a friend posted about signing up to greenpeace yet still being a meat eater. I jokingly suggested she just stop as a solution to what she questioned as being a contradictory action.

A day later, things had developed. Oh, the people! How they got involved! What I personally read them to be saying was that vegetarians, vegans and people from greenpeace are crazy whereasssss what I think they really mean to say is that animal liberationists and environmentalists are passionate people who will do their best to try to show why they believe what they believe to be true and beneficial to their cause. Not every vegetarian or vegan has an interest in animal lib. Some have medical conditions or a dislike for the taste of meat. Similarly, I wouldn't claim that every environmentalist is necessarily into animal liberation. They are connected in my mind but not in everyone else's.
I found these people to be ignorant and defensive. Once they come up against something they have little knowledge of, or perhaps they have grown up in an environment of predjudice, they attack that thing instead of trying to understand it. I think people are scared of what they don't know. Trying to know could require such an output of themselves that they turn on the defensive because it is easy and safe. Of course this is part of the human condition, but that doesn't validate it to me. Being an ignorant coward is nothing to admire or to be desired and a closed mind is unhealthy.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

simple and complex

Life must be a blend and flow of the two. To be exclusively either could prove meaningless and exhausting.
Sometimes I want everything to mean nothing and to just be. Just occur because it does and result in whatever and never try to show me anything but raw and base fact.
At other times I want to read into everything that I say and do, everything that is presented to me and that I witness. I want what they said to me to carry a special meaning that I must discover and it will always be exactly what they wanted me to know and I will reply. At this point, when I reply, I think in my mind it is again simple. Yes. For until it ends.
Until someone cares little enough or enough to send me such things I will continue to create them all by myself and they will cloud my judgement and influence my decisions to an unadvised extent.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Even when they're dead and gone

Barely respecting the dead

we skirt the graves

due to a fear of something we were told once,

long ago, repeated

On a happy note, Kid Sam with 'Down to the Cemetery' whom I failed to see at Laneway

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Three different things, maybe four.

I have been leaving an article about an animal liberationist and a sanctuary farm strategically around my house in the hope that my parents will read it and maybe gain something useful from it seeing as they tend to ignore me when I try to discuss my beliefs. Y'all don't know what it's like, being male, middle class and white.

Sometimes (often, very very often) I really feel that it would be so much better if I stayed outside and didn't interact with any other beings. I don't think I am very adept at thinking for myself when in the presence of anyone at all and I am terrible at saying no when it isn't blindingly obvious that it's a bad thing. Everything that has happened makes me feel like I should be in year 9. It could not sound much worse than that. Why could love not sustain me?

Paranoid again. I do think I miss you.

Only for the warm fuzzy times okay? Yes. I promise. To someone else! For someone else. Of someone else? No. Seriously though. That was uncool in extreme proportions. How did I not sort of learn through observation from the night before?

I did however ride my bicyclette. Now that was awesome.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Shirts! Shirts shirts shirts!

I have an extreeeeeeme craving for buying district lines shirts of my favourite youtubers. It's annoying though because I live by a very general rule of a) not buying clothing new and b) not buying (trust issues) things off the internet. Everything is so expensive to me!

In particular I would absolutely love the swift karate chop 'what did we learn' shirt and a dudeneedaeaseonup 'cloudy thoughts' shirt, definately in grey. I wish the swifty shirt wasn't a v neck... the only v neck I own and therefore assume I can wear is my Cure shirt but it's so awesome that you forget it's a v neck (well at least that is my thought process on the matter). Anyway check out their stuff, and their channels. Hopefully all links work!


annnd swift karate chop aka matthew brian brown

Saturday, July 3, 2010

welcome home

my entire body aches and i have nothing to say

thanks for everything, holiday

Saturday, June 12, 2010

you. have. got. to . be. kidding

he's perfect.
she's very cool.
I never made the connection. no way.
yes, I realise there was no chance at all in any way, but I still reserve my right to be so very disappointed.
all I can hope is that it is very new. or they were friends for ages. something to stupidly hold onto. idiot.
ps. i have de brows and you don't?? there's summit

Friday, June 11, 2010

Sense made

Well now.
Learning new information,
It can be simultaneously liberating and crushing.
Sometimes I just don't want to know but with that knowledge, I am so clearly better off.
How is it always the same informer too? Yet... There are other things being held back.
Sick of seconds, this is the benefit of independence. We all know it would never have been me.
I'll just go get my own and you can all piss off.

This Sex Which Is Not One.

Within the vast amounts of information I am trying to sort through for this essay, I rediscovered Luce Iragaray. She has this to say about woman and her pleasure, how it differs from man's in the masculine normalised society we live in;

"As for woman, she touches herself in and of herself without any need for mediation, and before there is any way to distinguish between activity from passivity. Woman "touches herself" all the time, and moreover no one can forbid her to do so, for her genitals are formed of two lips in continuous contact. Thus, within herself, she is already two-but not divisible into one(s)-that caress each other."

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Just.. writing essays...

Just this morning I started watching The Inbetweeners. Probably not the best time to get hooked on yet another british comedy but... it was a pleasing distraction. Not yet sure if I can deal with all the isms within though.

At least things can only get better. Or they could just stay the same.... Or get worse

Sunday, June 6, 2010


Cold weather + Arthritis = Feck I need to walk around.

And... just... I don't know. Yet again. How oft' shall I turn away at the signpost?

Friday, June 4, 2010

About you.

I am getting to that point. Paranoia (not really... but really) sets in and every unpredictable thing makes me nervous. It's clearly all about me, right? Wrong. It never is. Then I feel worse for even thinking for that fleeting moment that it could be about me. Even this post has become about me to a greater extend than I expected it to. I suppose... since it is my life... it has to be about me in some way. I don't want it to be though. I want it to be about everybody else, but I want to be part of their life because my life is all about their life. I think I just said some really straightforward stuff and for no purpose. Or, if there were purpose, it was to sort out my mind. Yeah okay shuddup.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Midnight Man

It catches up with you y'know.
These days I look at the beauty of things, simple things like the sky, trees, and I think "you're too ugly to be here"
I don't know how I became like this.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


i guess i've done it to him though.
must. stop.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Have ya ever?

went to a thing with some people and came away with a particular opinion on someone. i thought they were really nice and sweet and i was happy i'd met them. then someone i trust told me what they thought about new-person and it was at odds with my thoughts. now i am confused. later i figured that seeing as i would probably never see them again, i should retain my own view on them because it doesn't really matter and i would rather a good memory over having to question what happened. this is rather ambiguous... ohwells

I'm all about you. You're all about me. We're all about eachother

I want that.

I was really afraid I may have ruined things againnnnn but so far, no. Not so much a reflection on me as it is on them though I think. We shall see we shall indeed see. There seems like there is a lot ahead but I want to sort through it.

Oh and why don't you like love songs? If that is what they're writing about it's in their life. Be happy for them and learn from them. You can do whatever you want with information once you have it in order to further yourself inside.

Thanks Peter, Bjorn & John

Friday, May 28, 2010

Alien Like You

Oh Being Erica, how I love you. Making a show in order to get across life lessons by having the main character learn from her mistakes in therapy? Straight to the point and brilliant. I watched the season 2 final this morning and this song still makes me happy. There's also a longer version by the Pigott brothers which is possibly better just as a song. Apparently there's a third season and Kai is in it again, sahhh exciting!

it's horrible

4 minutes in and you're already judging
based on their name
based on their clothes
based on whatever irrelevant thing
you deem relevant

Thursday, May 27, 2010


I decided, early this morning, that I would do things as soon as they come to mind, or as soon as possible. I have discovered that waiting often leaves me disappointed over and over again. I should clarify that this usually applies to little things rather than great decisions that will probably affect my life to a certain extent. Probably means that I should have written this hours ago but whatever, I'll ease myself into it or something. I think I will do a trial for a week and see if it makes me.... happier or more efficient or productive. It was actually the fact that I had put off getting out of bed for about half an hour and had just convinced myself it was time to get up when my brother went into the bathroom that I decided I waste too much time waiting. This scenario occurs every single morning and every single night. So either I act, or build myself an ensuite.

This also means I will soon get a tumblr account because it looks like a lot of fun annnnnd I can leave the serious, long, gender article stuff here and be frivolous and/or fleetingly insightful there.

Hey so I'm sitting infront of the open fire and a skink came in with the firewood. Holding tiny lizards is such an amazing experience, to feel their bodies holding out for freedom. Then my dog tried to hunt it... poor baby.

grade five

My best friend Grace once told me what had been told to her by her father. That the reason you get wisdom teeth is because you have fallen in love. Grace's parents both got theirs when they met eachother.
It's just too sweet to dismiss.

I generally dislike to dwell on the past or consider it at all

This may explain why I don't seem to learn from my mistakes.

Anyway the other day I was thinking about myspace of all things and I remembered one of the good things to come about from that time in my life. I had a friend who I found on Tim Minchin's page I believe. Joni Armandary was his name and he was a musical comedian, much like Tim and apparently they were friends. From the start we posted lengthy comments about our interests and life and how things were going and what was troubling us. He was the sort of person I wanted to be. Passionate and independant and seemingly mature. I felt so close to him and I think it was because he was so far away and that there was no risk. I could easily pull out if need be, which I doubted would ever happen. Sure, we drifted in the end but that was just due to neglect like so many relationship failings are.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Groundfloor

Don't agree with everything.

Keep it simple as long as you can, I don't wanna grow up just yet. I have only just begun the reign of terror on everyone. I see you look angrily in my direction, awkwardly silent. It's written across your face, everything you want to say.. I must admit to you though, I need to re-write, story of my life, each page blends into the next, a realisation attacks..

I'm guessing that this is my fate, but acceptance is greatly outweighed by the few lonely seconds I own as I prepare to face this alone.

I saw you yesterday, you passed me in the street. So close that I could feel you radiate. I finally found the words but now I've lost my voice. If only you could read all of my thoughts. Tell me why I'm the odd one out, and I'm the only one who isn't having fun. Why am I? Alone in the crowd and I'm the only one whose nightmare has begun. I watched you walk away, I then lost sight of you, just like the hundred thousand times before..


All lyrics by The Groundfloor; A Realisation, The Diary, Alone in the crowd.

Monday, May 24, 2010

brief and for the marks

This contains references to articles people won't read. Gender studies, yay!

Boyd’s highlight of the links that can be made between child pornography vs. paedophilia and the difference between virtual and real violence in terms of whether the latter of both situations can have a “positive cathartic effect” is excellent. If the public can easily reject the idea that child porn may prevent ‘actual’ abuse then how can many try to play down the idea that it could be the same with virtual and real violence.

Blame is often placed on the victim of the assault as they are deemed to be too emotionally involved in the game. Although by devaluing this sort of attachment that online gamers feel towards their avatars, Wolfendale argues that you could therefore question the attachment people feel towards their pets or their ideals. Some feel that their avatar is an even more accurate representation or expression of themselves so I think that an attack on an avatar has potential for serious psychological damage to the controller.

On my own personal train of thought, why haven’t the advancements in women’s rights gone hand in hand with the advancements in technology? A whole new world has been created with old world sexism and the young generation seem obsessed. If they spend their time in a place where violence towards women is either okay or encouraged, I find it hard to accept that even a little bit of that won’t carry through into their “real” lives.

Hey Jordan!!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I larrrve Swifty lololololol

This is what got me through year 12 exams. It's surpising that I got into uni, even withhhh special consideration. The way I do things now (things being a very broad term....) is heavily influenced by Matthew Brian Brown. Watchy watchy watch watch

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

scaping the land.

Yet again, musical illiteracy!
I saw facialbooklet status updates about Ronnie James Dio's death but could only tell that he was a musician (because of the people who were updating), nothing more.
Last night I couldn't sleep so I switched on the j's and on The Racket Andrew Haug was doing a tribute to Dio with interviews with him and people who worked with him or were influenced by his music. While listening to many of his songs I felt particularly moved by Catch the Rainbow from when he was part of Rainbow with Ritchie Blackmore. It reminded me of the bush in winter when there is snow right at the top of the mountains that not many venture to but which dad always took my brother and I to when we were younger.

Ritchie Blackmore's Rainbow - Catch the rainbow part 1- Live 1977

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

space, place and moby

i wanted to talk about what i learnt today but instead made an exciting discovery when i chose moby as my background music for the afternoon.
i bought the cassette a while ago from an op shop but only played suzie quattro and the violent femmes when i got home and moby was to wait for a later date. so this afternoon i listened to the majority of it happily until i sat on the heater vent and took out the sleeve which to my delight contained an essay by moby!! reading it i discovered this is a thing he does for his records, but with me not being a regular mody-cd-buyer i was not aware. he talked about how he put the record together and that he had to choose 18 out of 150 songs, also mentioning that he has written about 3,000 unreleased songs which i find astonishing, possibly because i've never been able to write poetry and i'm not really musically gifted (performance-wise let alone composition). he also talked about his beliefs and how they've changed and why; the reasons that caused him to rethink the way he views life and what is important to him and how others beliefs affect him. it was such an interesting and honest insight and seemed so human even on paper. i felt he was genuinely sharing what he has come to realise with me because he actually wants me to know. as i finished reading, the tape stopped and i felt better for it all.
what i learnt today was that the spacial turn is about space and place as being socially constructed, where it is no longer seen as an inert container in which action takes place. this was in relation to the queering of public space which i am finding very interesting although at some points i still get confused. it's difficult to give new meanings to words you are so comfortable using in the way you originally learnt to use them. discussing which spaces are policed made me so aware of how heteronormative educational institutions (especially primary and secondary) and families are. one person in tute mentioned that a woman had told her children that homosexuals existed, just that they weren't some of them. both this and silencing and ignoring non-heterosexual possibilities is just as bad as condemning their existence.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

HEYILOVEYOU i mean what?

yeahhh there are those people.
Even when you just see their name you shiver.
I used to try and forget them by slapping myself everytime I thought of them. Psychology gave me the idea of creating an aversion through pain haha it didn't work....
Now that I have the opportunity I'm considering fighting, only the potential of shame and embarrassment hold me back as per usual.
I worry about throwing all my passion into everything I do, hence why I don't. I worry that because other people don't always do the same they'll think what fool... what fool should put themselves out like that. Not caring, holding back, so fashionable these days.
I want to start but I think I may need help. To surround myself with others so we can all go on personal journeys together.

Monday, May 10, 2010


This is what I wore on saturday, in some attempt to dress for the occasion that was writing and finishing my philosophy essay. I'm fairly sure I wrote one additional word for the essay and spent the majority of the day figuring out what was to occur in the evening/plaiting my hair. Yes. Productive.

Then on sunday I saw my auntie and she gave me clothes! Of most excitement is the jumper she knitted in the late 80s and never wore (crazy woman, she missed out). New favourite peice.

There is also this amazing looking guy in my philosophy course and he was in the lecture today. If I had to pretend I knew his heritage I'd say he is Iranian, Jewish, maybe Irish and a direct decendant of Jesus. He has the craziest mane of black curls and a beard to match. He also knows how to dress well. I just feel so happy when I see him because he looks so interesting and it makes me want to know him.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Diego the milkman

I thought recently that I had perhaps lost someone but now I'm not so sure. Something clearly went wrong and I don't (consciously) know what it was and maybe never will if I handle conversations badly. The way you talk about things can have such a major effect on outcomes.

At what point am I meant to say that this is useless and it'll always be the same? The conflict of personalities continues and I begin to think it'd be easier to just drift away, sidestep out of this friendship and make time for a new one or more. I told someone today I kept being disappointed by some people. Maybe this is one or maybe it was just weird from the start.

The title was supposed to be completely irrelevant but I have just been reminded of that feeling you get when you drink milk.... and it seems weird. Not the actual milk but the fact that you're drinking it. This happened to my girlfriend and she's kindly offered some milk-related facts which were supposed to be reflections on her experience:
"the movie MILK was really good. it was about this gay man standing up for his rights as a gay man... i guess you need milk for your bones to be able to stand up."
I think that could be filed under fact.
"Cliff fadiman said that Cheese is milk's leap toward immortality. If thats so then adding chocolate to the milk just makes it an immortal king."
So could that one. Oh and she's clearly been doing her research:
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose" - Woody Allen
Bless her sweet heart!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

6th ringo

Kristoffsen came with me and held my hand which I really did need. I now know nose peircings hurt even less than blood tests.
Muter was fairly indifferent to the point where she seemed okay
Dafur said 'ohhh dear, you've got one in your nose now too'
Marie thought it to be 'so cool'
Rabe was exactly the same as Dafur. Runs in the family?
If I had a good camera I'd put up photos. Perhaps I will update this one day.

Monday, May 3, 2010


Saturday May 1, 2010.
The Groovin' of the Moo

Perrrrrrfection in a day. Spent with the best people to the best music and the prettiest sights in human form.

Moustache guy: I love your haircut!!
Me: Thanks man, I love your moustache. I'd grow one if I could.
Moustache guy: Are you serious? That's awesome, thankyou.
Moustache guys friend: Woahhh cos some chick before was bagging him about it. You're the hero of the day!


Thursday, April 29, 2010

Tripod and scotch

There he goes!
riding into the sun.
He dissolves into a vapour
as he nears the burning orb.....

or maybe it's just a metaphor..

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Today I realised that

everyone should take a somewhat spiritual journey and try Mirri's sweet chilli pumpkin chutney. A whole month. Every day. Turkish bread, capsicum, chilli.

I have a completely non-utilitarian wardrobe. Unless 'the greater good' translates to 'looking awesome yet freakishly gypsy-magicianesque'.

when I am rickrolled, I need to take advantage. It's a wonderful feeling.

if completing something is like jumping off a cliff, in a really happy way, then finding your inspiration is like seeing the edge for the first time and knowing where you're headed.

Milos Tchoron, of Galician

I should just do it. Let us find out if the time is now right.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sorry, but you've labelled that wrong

Ohhh some people.

I have come across a lot of mislabelling of people and groups etcetera lately. In particular; arrogance. It seems to be a commonly held belief that a suddenly mainstream group are all and I mean ALL arrogant. Oh what fun! Let us throw about names and believe that an entire "group" of people are arrogant simply because they can be placed in that group.

So, stereotypes my children! They are socially constructed. Personal traits are not handed out at the gates of stereotypeland. Stereotypes are based on different parts of different people and/OR what people interpret others to be. People are arrogant. If you bother to talk to people you can figure out easily whether you click with them and if they're worth your fucking time. I totally agree though, arrogance is horrible. It's one of the worst things to come across in a person and I dislike it as much as the next person. Although perhaps it can be handy in some situations? I shall muse on that and if I find an answer I'll let it be known.

My point is about naming things incorrectly. To label something or someone incorrectly is just ignorant and rude. I am sure I am guilty of it more often than I'd like. I know I judge people sometimes without giving them a chance and that is often when I know I will never need to or bother to get to know them.
Arrogance. Just say you hate arrogance. Then I'll be happy to talk to you about it.

You know it!! ahhh Kinnnnggsorrrleeeeawwn

Monday, April 19, 2010

Back in the day when I was a little boy

Here, have some things I used to either want to be or want to do when I was young and ignorant. When I say young I generally mean from 10-14 years of age but some things stretched until I was 17. Awkwardly enough. Most of them reflect my current veiws in no way whatsoever and I sometimes wonder where on earth they came from. Infact looking back I'm quite disgusted by things I've said or supported or had any interest in outside of complaining how terrible they are.
In no particular order here are my childhood fancies and uneducated wants;
I had an utter fascination with war and guns, all helped along by frequent viewing of NCIS. I was so in love with Ari that I don't think I cared that he killed Kate... I wanted to be just like him and kill people for a living, yay! Yes, when I was older I was either going to be an assassin or a sniper, preferably the former because it seemed cooler. Taekwondo also helped to teach me the handyness of super fast ninja reflexes, totally necessary for my future career. Admittedly, I still find the idea kind of sexy, but it's the fault of the way the profession is depicted on television. I am totally anti war these days and shall be forevermore! This also contributes to my feeling of desperation at my younger self when I remember that I wanted to join the army reserve. Actually I think I really believed it'd be awesome exercise and I'd become agile (me = ridiculously clumsy, not so much now, very much then). I think that's the end of my I-was-raised-as-societies-idea-of-a-boy topics.
This one.... still is true in some ways. The film clip for Mandy Moore's song Candy (oh no!), when she's in her second floor/attic room. I wanted to live there. Slight obsession with american culture and the freedom of youth? She also had a window ledge seat. Yeah. It looked good except for that scene in the carpark. That was just lame and full of stupid gender stereotypes and binaries.
I used to dislike the whole idea of op shops and second hand clothing from strangers. Why!? It's all I buy these days.
The most horrifying of all is probably my ignorance in calling myself an anti-feminist. I based it on nothing and have completely seen the error of my ways. I used to fight with people who had something intelligent to say and had something to stand for when I had neither. I am reformed. Thank you gender studies.

Five's album - King Size. Realllllly wanted it but was too afraid to ask for it because it was cool haha! Like coke and mars bars, I didn't think I was cool enough for them either. Even when I had the chance I wouldn't dream of selecting them. Point is, I found that Five album at an op shop so I bought it and oh dear songs written by boy bands are songs full of sexism. It's worrying. Children listen to that shit. I think I may burn the small collection of boy band albums that I possess. Except Human Nature, they seem fine.
They be my regrets and I am pretty sure that as soon as I post this I'll regret it too. This is my life

Friday, April 16, 2010

Basilica time!

"I had wasted much time on follies and spent nearly all of my youth in vain labors, and devotion to the teachings of a wisdom that God had made foolish. Suddenly, I awoke as out of a deep sleep. I beheld the wonderful light of the Gospel truth, and I recognized the nothingness of the wisdom of the princes of this world"
Basil of Caesarea, Saint Basil the Great is known as the revealer of heavenly mysteries. This has little to do with me or why I chose to create this lemon (nee blog) but it has everything to do with Basil Emo, as she was named after dear Saint Basil. As far as I know she played a large part in starting a catholic girls school in my suburb.... and she had an awesome name.

A dear dear friend of mine and I decided that we had things to say and share and our technology-curious side (seriously though, it's near non-existent in me) led us here to do just that. Disliking the term blog, we opted to henceforth dub them lemons. Lemony lemony goodness! So, welcome to my gendered, or rather ungendered, mindspace.